January 2010
118 posts
I'm becoming Joan Rivers ...kinda
Watch me Superman it up with Kate Hudson!
Goodbye Soul Patch
And now a thing or two about “Soul Patches”.
Wikipedia states:
The soul patch is a small patch of facial hair just below the lower lip and above the chin. It came to prominence in the 1950s and 1960s, when it was a style of facial hair common among African American men, most notably jazzmen and other musicians. It became popular with beatniks, artists, and those who frequented the...
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Better Off Dead
I love the movie BETTER OFF DEAD for many reasons. The classic Savage Steve Holland film from 1985 was a stupid comedy yes, but of all the things I love about the film, the two things I love most are Diane Franklin
and the 1967 Camaro
Of all the things I hope to have one day, a car like that and girlfriend that helps me restore to a popular 80s pop song would be the best!
LA impounded my car today. I’m going to pound LA’s wife tonight as payback!
Sure you can piss your name in snow, but I can do it in Helvetica!
I like to go to wedding receptions & request “Better Man” by Pearl Jam.
Every time you burp, a ghost eats.
Mazzy Star is playing in the bathroom where I work. I’ve never realized how much I want to makeout with this toliet before.
After tonight, I can’t wait for September!
Tonight’s the last Tonight Show w/ Conan, meaning tonight’s the last time I watch NBC …’cept on Thursdays, the best night for commercials
I hate crying at movies, which is why I’ll never watch BAMBI, OLD YELLER or COLLISION COURSE.
I’m going to take the subway here in LA tonight. …Yep, that’s all that’s needed for that joke.
LA is really doing a great impression of Seattle this week. I really believe I’m getting depressed by the weather. Bravo!
If I had a three-legged dog, I won’t name him “Tripod” or “Lucky”. I’d name him “Eric Middlesbee Lamppost IV”.
The old pharse, “Bygones are bygones” is really just a misprint in the dictionary. Bygone(s) N (BY-Gone) 1) Something that is bygone.
Anybody got Scott Brown’s daughters numbers? I hear they are single!
Just finished my screenplay about a guy who gets hit on the head & forgets how to ride a bike. It’s called “Like Riding A What?”
I just sang in the rain. …not all it’s cracked up to be.
With Scott Brown’s win, I wonder if Burt Reynolds has a shot in politics seeing how he also has a centerfold out there?
Whenever I see a really foxy, sexy young lady, I think of sex.
Erich Segal died, meaning we can finally say “sorry” again when we’re in love!
Famed mystery writer Robert Parker died at his desk while writing! Oh great- now a fictional murderer is gonna get away.
God sure has been crying a lot in LA. He must be really upset about the Golden Globes!
Days like today in LA make me wish my day job was being a baseball player, because then work would called due to rain & I’d be at home, in my mansion with my beautiful actress / model wife, watching TV on my huge flatscreen & laughing at how I’m stupidly rich for wearing pinstripes & a jockstrap.
WatchAs much as I love rainy days like this, I still hate being at work & being at work on rainy days like this really really really sucks.
I’d much rather be curled up in a bunch of blankets at home, listening to the droplets hit my windows as I watch Empire Strikes Back and drink a hot cup of tea.
If Wednesday is “Humpday”, then Tuesday must be “Foreplayday” …or “Roofieday”. Either or, Thursday is “Fallasleepday”.
Tuesday, nortious for radio double plays, tacos & hamburger debts to be repaid- where’s my money, Wimpy?!
Showing dedication is sooo time consuming!
There’s only a few days every year that I wish I worked at the post office. Today is one of them.
Today is the day that many children all over the USA discover why there is a street in their town called MLK Jr Blvd.
Something about the Golden Globes. The end.
The main difference between me & rappers is I perfer to not match my shoes with my shirt & hat.
Having a white cat that sheds a lot means trouble if you are Johnny Cash, a backstage crew member, ninja or professional tuxedo model.
Just overheard a husband say to his wife, “Wanna play spot the German?” I hope they don’t realize I’m a quarter German!
I like to think the ‘Lazy Susan’ was not invented by a lady named Susan, but by her spiteful ex-husband.
Well at least we all take comfort knowing that Lopez Tonight is safe.
Grandpa’s belief: “The more the host gets peed on by animals, the funnier the Tonight Show is.” Let’s hope Leno gets pissed on every night!
This week’s mashup tweet: “I Haiti Jay Leno, what a Reatard! For relief, text C0C09900.”
Grandma gave me a book of quotes from the Bible. Why not just give me a Bible? …oh well, off to the Goodwill with you book.